grief

The future is wide open, agape, oppressive with possibility

I grasp for it nonetheless, but it’s too far gone.

I have been rehearsing my mothers death since I was a child.

On the other side of that is uncertainty, space newly emptied and ready to be filled.

Healing as if it’s a linear process / broken / healing / healed

It’s been a year since one of my best friends of the last decade left this world.

2020 started and ended with big losses - my friend T-boy and then my mom.

Grief, like death, is non consensual.

In six months I have forgotten grief as if it were a country I returned home from.

To come back to balance, to focusing on what is good, is a choice that is at times difficult, but ultimately inevitable as well.

Haven’t we all? No? Maybe in a dark moment.

Grief is weird.

There is no elegant exit, this is only the beginning.

There is no tidy ending.